Sunday, March 27, 2005

Mixed Bag

So. It's like this.

If I'm quiet on here, it either means:-

a) I'm waaaaaay too busy (hate that)

b) I'm travelling in the frozen wastes of the forgotten no-computer land, within the bounds of which no man wot what internet is.

c) I'm too sad.

Sad is an under-used word, IMO. It's odd how once a word becomes firmly entrenched in child's vocabulary, adults tend to abandon it as oversimplified and somehow 'twee'. Au contraire.

Sad. adj. Sorrowful. That's the excerpt from my beloved and rarely used dictionary from Chambers. The same people who do the official scrabble dictionary.*


Yeah, that's about right. I always intended this blog to NOT degenerate into a pathetic whiney "Hug meeeeee" station, so no hugs. I'm SERIOUS. ;-)

So, how to de-sad, then? A trip to Shannon Stacey's blog usually does the trick. She can write, she's funny, smart, and she has that generous, gregarious spirit that maketh a good blogger. Go see.

Music. Music's good. The Prodigy, for preference. Sadness, in the face of the musical equivalent of being beaten with big sticks, usually runs for cover. I recommend "You'll be Under My Wheels" from Always Outnumbered, Never Outgunned.

Writing. Hmmm. Well, in theory, that should help. THIS, this here, writing this blog, IS helping. But the thought of writing my current story, right now, this instant, supplied me with a mental image of the flesh of my hands crawling back off my bones in horror as I reached out to touch a flaming keyboard.

So, maybe not writing, then.

And maybe a little more sleep, and a little less fantasy/horror reading. Ho Hum.

Which, in accordance with the Mixed Bag title of this rambling piece, brings me onto another thought. Vanessa Jaye was blogging not so long ago about whether or not blogging helps you write more, or sucks the writing spirit out of you like a fat, black leech, clinging to the festering wound of your once pink-and-healthy inspiration. Cough

Some say blogging helps them warm up into writing. Some say it takes writing time away.

Hmmm. I suspect I know which camp I sit in. But I wish it wasn't so.

I could try mass chocolate consumption. pause

Okay. I AM trying mass chocolate consumption. But a spotty chin, and extra inches on my stomach don't add much to my sad armour, it has to be said.***

Well, after rambling around the sad issue, I'm not going to explain the personal reasons why I'm sad, but I will venture in with one of the professinal reasons, and ask your opinions about it.

Do you ever feel like your writing glory days are behind you? And this is a question to both pubbed and unpubbed. I've been feeling like I've been going backwards for some time now, and I'm curious to find out if I'm alone....

Now, remember - no hugs! And no pep talks. ;-) It's a serious question, not a needy whimper, okay?

* Yes, I play Scrabble. We played Scrabble on our honeymoon, in the tent. We had two games with seven-tile words in one go, gaining a player the 50 point bonus. We have photographic evidence of those. Yes, this makes me sad. **

** Second definition:- Deplorable

*** AAAAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAAAA!!! I just glanced down at my desk. A box of Bendicks, a packet of dark chocolate digestives and a pack of Green and Blacks mint chocolate. This has NOT been a good week.


At 2:31 pm, Blogger ma said...

Oh, yeah. The writing glory days, that is exactly how a writer friend of mine described it. Mine, to be specific, were those wonderful six months when an editor had a revised full on her desk.

Since then, no one has requested a full from me. (Partials, though, thankfully, so I can at least get by.)

And if we're just (just!) talking about how we feel about our writing -- without referencing outside validation. Well, I've gone back to my blog of over a year ago and discovered that the mid-book, this-is-never-going-to-come-together blues, happened last book, too. That was pretty helpful -- in that it gave me some peace of mind.

At 7:05 pm, Blogger Julie said...

Okay, no hugs. No pep talks. But I know--that's not "suspect", mind, that's KNOW--that the reason you feel as if your writing glory days are behind you is because in those glory days, you used to write.

You are the most enthusiastic writer I know. When you write something you like, you glow with it. So does your prose. But right now, you're not writing. And there are a million reasons for that, and most of them are very good and unavoidable reasons, but there is one cure for this feeling and that is to write. Not revise. Not talk or blog about writing. Write.

And I guess that sort of came out as a pep talk, huh?

I have more to say about this to you, in private, young woman. ;-)

At 4:10 am, Blogger Jaci Burton said...

What Julie said.

I always feel morose and unproductive and a complete failure as a writer when I'm not writing. Then I'm convinced I will never write another book, my prose sucks, nothing I imagine is good enough and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Write, Anna. It truly is the only cure. And like Julie said, writing is not revising or planning to write or thinking about writing. It's writing. Toss out whatever's pending on your writing to-do list and start something brand new that excites you, even if you don't yet have a target for it.

You need something new, fresh and exciting to breathe that enthusiasm for what you clearly love right back into your daily world.

And hugs and smooches, just because.

At 5:30 am, Anonymous Olga said...

Anna, I've read your previous post, and I have to say you're wonderful, amazing writer. No way your glory years could be behind you. Everything you need is, well, to write. Best wishes.

At 9:09 am, Blogger Julie said...

Yeah, Jaci. Right on. We Julies know what we're talking about, don't we? :-D

Julie, aka "Cat Sniffing Flower Bum"

At 9:26 am, Blogger Anna Lucia said...

Thank you, everyone!

You're right, Jorie - I think as writers we feel bad way too much of the time! Surely once we KNOW we get mid-book blues, we can better them? But it doesn't seem to work like that.

Thanks, Julie. For these comments and for last night's talk. I'm writing, I'm writing, okay? :-)

I want to do what you suggest, Jaci, but I'm still hesitating. I want to finish what I'm doing first, or I'll feel like all the time I spent on it will have been wasted. And for me, writing something without a vague target feels the same as writing something that I know will never sell. Which is an ugly, ugly feeling. ;-)


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