Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Lessons in Love 2

I'm sorry, I left you hanging rather there, didn't I?

We've got friends coming for dinner today and I've been busy cleaning and prepping. We're having fresh penne pasta with a spicy chorizo sauce, made with fresh tomatoes and basil, served with home made sweet pepper rolls and rocket salad. To follow we have mini strawberry pavlovas or tiramisu, all hand made, accompanied by organic, fair trade coffee. Husband has selected a couple of bottles of wine, and I'm looking forward to having a wonderful time. My whisking arm is trembling, but I had so much fun. I am SUCH a domestic goddess.

So. Where were we?

I was talking about the lessons I'm learning from writing. And about fear.

Typically, my mood had changed somewhat since I wrote the first half of this rambling thought train, and some of what I originally intended to say I think I'll edit.

But what am I afraid of?

Writing.

At least, I'm afraid of writing, and I'm not.

Confused yet?

You see, when I'm not writing, I'm terrified of writing. When I'm writing I'm terrified of not writing. Sometimes, after an enforced break from the WIP, just opening the document can make me feel nauseous.

I'm worried that I might find it's crap. I'm panicked that I might find it's so good I'm convinced I can't match it. Worse than all of those, I'm strangled by the thought I might find a massive plot flaw.

And yet I'm never truly happy unless I'm actively writing.

You gotta laugh.

In TAKEN, Emily is constantly searching for the magic ingredient that's going to take away her fear. Is it freedom? Is it safe captivity? Is it solitude, company, another country? She looks for freedom from fear in other people, and consistently blames her fear on other people, too. The hero, Tristan, makes her feel safe, but that's an illusion, too. An unhealthy dependence.

And the thing is, I don't think that fear is going to go away by the end of the book. It's not going to disappear when they get together, it won't stop when they get married, it won't stop on their first anniversary. Emily's lesson is not about not being afraid, it's about not being ruled by fear, not letting it dominate and cripple your choices.

Emily's fear can't hurt her, if she lives her life in spite of it.

Then, someday, eventually, it won't disappear - it just won't matter any more. It won't have any power over her.

So I should probably get on with it, no?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PS - If I'm making tiramisu, I'm not writing. It's a direct correlation. Domestic Goddess and Writing are an either/or relationship, trust me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE:- The tiramisu has survived, but one of the meringues has been designated a casualty of cooking. Don't tell.

9 Comments:

At 2:48 pm, Blogger Michelle Styles said...

Hmm, I find doing domestic goddess type things helps me think. White noise for my hands so that the story is going on in the background.
Are you sure that it is writing or is it finishing that terrifies?

Anyway lots of hugs.

 
At 6:28 pm, Blogger Julie said...

You already know that that was my top, number-one-with-neon-signs-pointing-to-it, guess.

And you already know all the rest of what I'm going to say, too, so I won't.

I will say that I want to come to your house for dinner.

Julie, Captain of the Anna Cheerleading And Butt-Kicking Squad

 
At 8:30 pm, Anonymous Danica said...

Wow, I want to come to your house for dinner too!

Hugs on the fear. You know they say that action cures fear, and yet, for you, action just replaces the fear with a new fear. Interesting.

 
At 9:35 pm, Blogger Anna Lucia said...

I'm a fear-hog, Danica! ;-)

Probably finishing has a lot to do with it, Michelle - I can't fail if I don't finish. ;-) And yes, I KNOW that's messed up.

Thanks, Julie. :-) I know I'm frustrating...

One other thing - COME FOR DINNER. ALL OF YOU. SOON!

 
At 12:27 am, Blogger Bronwyn Jameson said...

Leftovers? Are there any leftovers? (Do domestic goddesses even have leftovers...???)

 
At 6:56 am, Blogger Anna Lucia said...

RESULT!!!

Yes, Bronwyn! Husband has pasta for lunch today, and I have an almost full bowl of tiramisu ALL TO MYSELF!

*punches air*

Dinner was a hit.

Now I have to get back to writing.

 
At 1:09 pm, Blogger April Joleen said...

Sounds like you had a fantabulous dinner planned. Glad it was a hit! :-)

I like cooking and it also gives me time to think about my characters/ plot etc. But I dare say, I don't cook like that,..LOL at least very very rarely.

Wow a kid free dinner with friends here at home sounds wonderful. SIGH

 
At 3:06 pm, Anonymous Suzanne said...

ohmygod I WANT TO HAVE DINNER AT YOUR HOUSE!

 
At 3:55 pm, Blogger Anna Lucia said...

Thanks, April! :-)

Well, Suzanne, you'd better fly over here, then, hadn't you? ;-)

 

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