Thursday, August 03, 2006

They're cute, but...

Ten Reasons Having Kittens in the Backyard Is Not Such a Great Thing

1. They're not MY kittens.
2. It's off-putting to come into the kitchen and see a little black fluffy tail disappearing under the dishwasher.*
3. You can't have a BBQ. Well, you CAN. But mixing red hot coals and little half-blind blundering bodies is a recipe for disaster. I like grilled chicken not grilled kitten.
4. You spend weeks watering the plant pots with jugs and watering cans, because the hose is too indiscrimminate, and they all hide behind the pots...
5. Kittens in multiples of 1-5 are cute. Kittens in multiples of 6-9 are catastrophic.
6. One Mummy Kitty begs for food, the other one hisses at us. We're conflicted, man.
7. Weaning in human children involves pureed carrots and rusks. Weaning in cat children involves unidentifiable furred meat and dead rats (see earlier post).
8. Walking across a back yard filled with kittens scurrying for cover is like walking across a backyard filled with marbles, only with more potential for fatalities on both sides.
9. Poop. Nuff said.
10. All the above notwithstanding, I want to adopt them all, and feed them till they're plump and happy and make all their little sniffles go away and protect them from all harm and give them fluffy blankets and creamy milk and delicious, nutritious foods and brush them and love them and huggle them and....

Excuse me. There's a knock at the door. I think the Kitten-Related Madness Police are coming to take me away.


* Don't worry, it's out, and fine. We kept hearing squeals which we thought might be inside the house, but decided we were just paranoid. We weren't. Eventually we closed the kitchen door, opened the back door and watched Mummy Kitty and naughty kitten get reunited. It was either that or dismantle our new kitchen. Which I would have done, no question, no hesitation, that very night. But I'm very glad it came out of its own accord...


At 5:25 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You made me go aaahhhh and ick. Pictures. Want pictures of your visitors!!

Lori :)

At 5:42 pm, Blogger Loreth Anne White said...

Ah yes, pictures, please :)

Methinks you are destined to be a cat lady in your dotage, Anna -- and I can totally identify :)

We had a smimilar 'issue' with a mamma duck and ducklings some years back. Nothing like ducklings stuck behind the fridge. They'd quack at the door and rush into the kitchen as soon as it opened just a crack. And bath in the poor hound's water bowl :). I loved each and every one of the little things to bits!
Our pooch, unfortunately didn't ... he started reclaiming his territory one duck at a time. But that's a 'whole other' story ...


At 7:23 pm, Blogger Kate Walker said...

Now if you'd let me steal the little grey one when I came to visit, that wuld have spared you at least - oh , five kittens or more.

How I relate to point 10 - and I would have to add . . 'and take them to the vets so that they could be stopped from having yet more kittens to add to the kitten-chaos already created.' I really don;t like to think of this lot breeding even more kittens before they're out of kittenhood . . .

At 9:49 pm, Blogger Anna Lucia said...

Ah, I'm right with you there, Kate... another reason their not being mine is a frustration. *sigh*

Oh definitely a cat lady, Loreth! I'm practicing the Mad Old Lady With All The Cats cackle already.... ;-)
And LOL at the ducklings in the dog's bowl...

You know, I would take pictures, Lori, but they tend to scatter when we open the door! I'll do my best. :-)

At 12:51 am, Blogger Anne McAllister said...

I think you need to invite Kate W to visit, and then surreptitiously tuck 6-9 of those kittens into her tote bag on the way out. She was always threatening to take our dog Jake home with her if she could tuck him into her suitcase (not a chance, he weighed 88 lbs!). But since you have a surfeit of kittens and she ONLY has four -- and they are none of them truly KITTENS anymore, I'm sure she could do with 6-9 more. Positive.

At 8:22 am, Blogger JuliaMazal said...

That naughty kitten - she shall have no pie!

This reminds me of the TLC "life lessons" campaign - NOT that you're a crazy cat lady or anything... yet... :-)

JM (aka Cello)

At 4:26 pm, Blogger Donna Caubarreaux said...

I love your sense of humor...and I'd take a kitten. We need one.

Have you thought of going to
and getting a free subscription service so that I can receive your column by email, instead of me trying to remember to visit your blog? It wasn't too hard to install. LOL


Post a Comment

<< Home