They're cute, but...

Ten Reasons Having Kittens in the Backyard Is Not Such a Great Thing

1. They're not MY kittens.
2. It's off-putting to come into the kitchen and see a little black fluffy tail disappearing under the dishwasher.*
3. You can't have a BBQ. Well, you CAN. But mixing red hot coals and little half-blind blundering bodies is a recipe for disaster. I like grilled chicken not grilled kitten.
4. You spend weeks watering the plant pots with jugs and watering cans, because the hose is too indiscrimminate, and they all hide behind the pots...
5. Kittens in multiples of 1-5 are cute. Kittens in multiples of 6-9 are catastrophic.
6. One Mummy Kitty begs for food, the other one hisses at us. We're conflicted, man.
7. Weaning in human children involves pureed carrots and rusks. Weaning in cat children involves unidentifiable furred meat and dead rats (see earlier post).
8. Walking across a back yard filled with kittens scurrying for cover is like walking across a backyard filled with marbles, only with more potential for fatalities on both sides.
9. Poop. Nuff said.
10. All the above notwithstanding, I want to adopt them all, and feed them till they're plump and happy and make all their little sniffles go away and protect them from all harm and give them fluffy blankets and creamy milk and delicious, nutritious foods and brush them and love them and huggle them and....

Excuse me. There's a knock at the door. I think the Kitten-Related Madness Police are coming to take me away.

;-)


* Don't worry, it's out, and fine. We kept hearing squeals which we thought might be inside the house, but decided we were just paranoid. We weren't. Eventually we closed the kitchen door, opened the back door and watched Mummy Kitty and naughty kitten get reunited. It was either that or dismantle our new kitchen. Which I would have done, no question, no hesitation, that very night. But I'm very glad it came out of its own accord...