My name is Pippi...

... and I wish it to be known that I am the most important member of this household.

The Young Upstarts that are currently at The Vets (unfortunately, my Slave informs me that they will return, minus girly bits, this evening) are clearly supremely unaware of my heightened Status Within the Home, and continue to be Rumbunctious and Disturbing, and even dare to attempt to Pounce on me.

This is not to be bourne.

I am attempting to cement my Status Within the Home by being excessively regal and fabulous while they are away. My Slave informs me that this is called, "Being a Madam," and that I am Very Good at it.

Naturally I am Very Good at it.

There is nothing that I am not Very Good at.

I believe it is my Right, Duty and Privelege to to undertake the following actions:-

Sitting In Front of the Monitor
Sleeping on My Pillow (which my Slave insists on calling HER pillow)
Singing Tunefully (which my Slave calls Wailing)
Demanding Foodstuffs and Adoration

I wish it to be known that my Status Within the Home demands that I do these things, that I am Very Good at them, and that I am not, and never have been, a Madam.

You may go about your business now.

Your business is, of course, to please me.